Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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