what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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