there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
