My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
