You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
