I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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