Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
