return my video game
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
