i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
