sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
