guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize