trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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