I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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