Already got asked if we're dating
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
