Whoa Z and x make the same sound
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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