3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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