woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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