Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
