come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
