I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
