Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
