i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
