Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
