in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
