Too much gin, very little bucket
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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