Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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