There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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