Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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