the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
