shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
