At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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