Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
