Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
