dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
