well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
