I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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