I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He keeps bees of course he's weird
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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