what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so let's talk penis.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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