I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
