I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
