My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
