Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
