i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
time to smoke my breakfast
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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