i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
