dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
