it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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