Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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