I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
