there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
