Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is my gift to your gina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
