You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
