Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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