We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
