my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
