Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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