so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
