I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
