I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
