well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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