woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
