Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need to calm my uterus...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
