We won't sleep together?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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