I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
