What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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