matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
