Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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