one might say we're banned from that church
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
