plz talk dirty to me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
