Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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