Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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