he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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