why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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