You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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