I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
