RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
