He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
