I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
