i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
