is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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