i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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