I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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