butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
