this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
