How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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