ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
