She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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