the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
