I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
