You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fuck appropriateness.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I touched a dick in church today
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
