she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
