You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize