discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
