You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
