Where is the hickey?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
