I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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