The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
