Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
