We won't sleep together?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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