1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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