I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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