is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
