is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Are my feet made of real feet?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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