What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize