just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
