We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
