I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
