I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
