you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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