it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
