Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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